Mark Baumer has never owned a zoo or invented an edible parachute. He watched a movie once. In 1991, Ronald Reagan didn't know Mark existed as a person. When he was thirteen someone inside Mark's television told him he was the next Grace Kelly. Mark called Time Magazine and asked if they could to put his face on the cover. Time Magazine said they couldn't. Mark wasn't sure what to do so he bought a pony and called it his brother. In 1984 someone told Mark that cotton was a good business decision, so Mark bought some cotton, but at age nineteen he retired from cotton.

FiftyNovels.com is an independent publisher located inside Mark Baumer. It was founded yesterday by a part of Mark's brain that was standing barefoot in a puddle, alone, near a factory that had been torn down thirty years ago and was replaced by an empty parking lot where a guy shows up every morning at six a.m. to make meats in his mechanical sausage grinder. Most of the books published by FiftyNovels.com will be about the same topic, but that topic has not been invented yet. One of the books will probably be a bestseller, but it won't be a bestseller until long after the entire publishing industry is dead and everyone has forgotten it ever existed. On the day FiftyNovels.com was born Mark Baumer drank some almond juice for breakfast.